“When we honor our flag, we honor what we stand for as a nation — freedom, equality, justice, and hope.” – Ronald Reagan

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Burning the American flag is not a protest. It is a declaration of war on the values of this country.

As America gears up to celebrate 249 years of flipping tyranny the bird with fireworks, BBQ, and Toby Keith playlists, one group of citizens finds themselves completely overwhelmed: Liberals are experiencing unprecedented levels of flag-related burnout.

Sources confirm that in liberal enclaves from Brooklyn to Berkeley, exhausted residents are collapsing under the sheer logistical nightmare of keeping their symbolic solidarity flags up to date.  It’s flag fatigue, folks — and it’s real.

“It started with the Trans flag, then the Ukrainian flag was the hot moral accessory,” said Kayden, a self-described progressive activist and Etsy sticker mogul. “Then Palestine became the urgent humanitarian cause of the moment, so we swapped again. Now Iran’s in the mix and, frankly, I’m running out of porch space.”

Psychologists call it Reactive Banner Syndrome — a condition in which one’s moral worth is directly tied to the number of non-American flags you can fly before brunch.

Meanwhile, Etsy sellers are reporting surging demand for Iranian flags — a product so rare even Hamas has to backorder it. “I had to custom print it on a recycled kombucha label,” said one flag vendor in Portland. “It’s the most oppressed fabric I’ve ever worked with.”

But the irony hits like a July 4th bottle rocket to the face: While liberals exhaust themselves collecting foreign banners like it’s the United Nations’ version of Pokémon, the one flag they consistently burn is — yep — Old Glory.

And here’s the kicker: burning American flags has sparked renewed global interest in… American flags. In Tel Aviv, red-white-and-blue is flying in the streets. In parts of Eastern Europe, folks are waving it in protest of actual authoritarianism — the kind that throws people off rooftops, not misgenders them. Yet somehow, in parts of America, the Stars and Stripes are considered passé. Outdated. Problematic.

This is what happens when identity becomes a yard sign hobby and patriotism gets filed under “problematic colonizer vibes.” Never mind that the American flag represents a nation where all these ideologies can openly clash without anyone getting disappeared in the night. (Try that with the Iranian flag and see how long your TikTok account lasts.)

So this Fourth of July, while liberals scramble to remember if they’re supposed to be waving the flag of Gaza, Tehran, Tijuana, or TikTok Nation, the rest of us will be proudly hoisting one banner: the American flag.

Not because it’s trendy. Not because it gets us likes. But because it’s the symbol of the most radical idea in human history: that people can govern themselves, speak freely, and celebrate their disagreements without killing each other — a wild notion still illegal in half the countries liberals love to glorify.

To our liberal friends: You’re welcome to bring your latest flag to the cookout. But when the fireworks start and the anthem plays, you might just remember why the red, white, and blue is the only flag that deserves to fly above them all.

God bless America — and someone please hide the lighter fluid.

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