Rebels Without a Clue

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The national 50501 Movement recently told the world to stand tall and boycott Amazon. And Starbucks. And Target. And basically every Fortune 1000 company that dares make a profit.

Their September 22 Facebook post thundered:

“CONTINUE THE BOYCOTT! And make sure you’re also boycotting Amazon, Starbucks, Target, and ALL the top recommendations by @bds.movement — because our struggles are all connected. In fact, go ahead and boycott each and every one of the top 1000 Fortune 1000 companies!! ❣️ THE PEOPLE, UNITED, WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED.” #boycott #BDSmovement #jimmykimmel

They even throw in a shout-out to the BDS movement — the campaign that pressures people to boycott Israel and anything remotely connected to it. It’s a global crusade so extreme that even European parliaments have condemned it as antisemitic.

Meanwhile, the Connecticut chapter was apparently too busy filling its Amazon cart to notice. While national 50501 was shouting “Boycott Bezos!,” CT 50501 was curating a wish list on Amazon that reads like the contents of a freshman dorm after a Women’s Studies rally: “Resist” flags, “Fall of the Patriarchy” banners, “Fight Oligarchy” decals, and — for good measure — a $900 JBL party speaker.

You can practically hear the two-day shipping truck backing up: “Beep beep — your hypocrisy has arrived!”

So while national 50501 was busy moral-posturing about corporate greed, Connecticut’s revolutionaries were saying, “Sure, we’ll boycott Amazon — right after our banner delivery gets here.”

Their list includes juice boxes, fruit snacks, rainbow flags, and feminist décor — because nothing screams “grassroots resistance” like Welch’s and Prime shipping. If there’s ever a “Revolution Registry,” these folks already invented it.

Maybe it’s just a communication breakdown. Or maybe the left hand’s too busy clicking “Buy Now” to know what the right hand’s boycotting. Either way, Connecticut 50501 is proving you can boycott a company on Facebook while shopping from it in real life — and still call yourself the resistance.

When your boycott comes with a tracking number, you’re not fighting oppression — you’re waiting for it to arrive by 8 p.m.

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