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Every time Republicans win an election—or heaven forbid, a conservative justice so much as clears their throat on the Supreme Court—a familiar chorus starts up: “That’s it. I’m leaving this country.” We’ve heard it before. When Bush won. When Trump won. When Justice Alito wrote anything. And most recently, when Mike Johnson, a guy who looks like he was built in a lab for the CPAC stage, took the Speaker’s gavel. Suddenly, everyone with an X account and a blue checkmark starts Googling “How to move to Portugal” like it’s the Underground Railroad. But here’s the kicker: they never move where they say they will—and when they do move, it’s to places that totally undercut their own talking points.
These are the same people who shout from the rooftops about how cruel and inhumane it is to deport illegal immigrants. “These people are fleeing violence!” they cry. “No one would leave their home country unless they had to!” Yet somehow, when Americans decide they "have to" leave their home country—because someone like Amy Coney Barrett shows up in a black robe—they never flee to the countries the people they’re defending are fleeing from. I’m not seeing a stampede of liberals headed to Honduras, El Salvador, Haiti, or Guatemala. Nobody's trying to settle in Tegucigalpa to stick it to the Federalist Society. Instead, let’s take a look at where these so-called political refugees actually end up…
Mexico – Over 800,000 U.S. citizens now live there, and that number is rising fast. Many are living in upscale neighborhoods in Mexico City, ironically pricing out the locals. Yes, that’s right—the same folks yelling “gentrification!” in Brooklyn are now driving up rent in Guadalajara.
Canada – With over 270,000 Americans living there, the land of healthcare and politeness is always the go-to panic button. Funny how quickly “America is racist!” turns into “Do you guys have oat milk up here?”
Portugal, Spain, the UK – These are the preferred escape pods for the well-off activist class. European, progressive, wine-friendly—and overwhelmingly white.
Let’s take a pause here for the ultimate irony: These people rail against white privilege in America, but they’re not moving to brown or Black majority countries. They're moving to places that are even more white than the U.S. Portugal? 95% white. Spain? Over 91% white. The UK? Over 83% white. Canada? About 75% white—and that’s with the government actively trying to diversify the place through immigration. So what are we to make of this? Apparently, white privilege is bad in America… but totally tolerable in Lisbon as long as the rent’s low and they serve espresso in ceramic cups.
This isn’t resistance—it’s retreat with Wi-Fi. These folks aren’t revolutionaries. They’re remote workers with anxiety issues. And the great “escape” is less about tyranny and more about tax breaks and tapas. They don’t want to suffer. They don’t want to stand in real solidarity. They want first-world problems in second-world countries with third-wave coffee. “I’m moving to Spain!” = “I want cheaper rent and to complain about Mike Johnson in a linen shirt.” “I’m done with America!” = “I’m trying to keep my HBO Max password while sipping sangria in Seville.” Look, if you're genuinely fed up and want a different way of life—fine. Godspeed. But if you're yelling about systemic racism while getting your housewarming gift in a white-majority country with zero tolerance for illegal immigration… that’s not activism. That’s hypocrisy with a passport.
If your entire identity revolves around fighting injustice and dismantling privilege, maybe don't run straight to countries where immigration laws are strict, diversity is low, and the local population doesn’t care about your pronouns. Because let’s face it: moving to Canada to protest Mike Johnson is like switching to Diet Coke because you’re mad at Pepsi. It’s performative nonsense. So to the “I’m leaving America!” crowd: please—either leave and take up the brave life you pretend to support, or stay and help fix what you keep screaming is broken. Just don’t expect us to take your Instagram revolution seriously when you're sipping rosé in a 95% white country and calling it progress.
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