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Meet the Third Act CT Defending Democracy Team — a group of retirees who believe American democracy hinges on their ability to attend a monthly Zoom call and scribble warnings about fascism on postcards.

These aren't your average boomers watching Wheel of Fortune in peace. No, these are the self-appointed “Defenders of Democracy” — the ones who think a protest isn’t complete without a sun hat, sensible shoes, a tote bag full of climate flyers, and a deeply personal vendetta against President Donald Trump.

According to them, “new federal laws and executive orders” are already wreaking havoc on democracy and the planet — which, in liberal boomer-speak, means it’s time to put on their Che Guevara tracksuits, fire up the group chat, and plot a revolution from the comfort of their screened-in porches.

They’ve essentially gone full Cocoon — like the 1985 movie where a bunch of old people gain new energy and purpose after discovering magic alien pods. Only instead of aliens, it’s email blasts, and instead of newfound strength, it’s an ironclad belief that democracy lives or dies based on how many times they can shout “fascism!” between reruns of Murder, She Wrote.

According to their latest update, these elder warriors are here to stop a “lawless, federal administrative coup” and “rebuild a functional and transparent democracy that serves the people”. What coup? Doesn’t matter. If a Republican sneezes, these people are already printing yard signs.

They’ve teamed up with Indivisible, MoveOn, and the Working Families Party — the Holy Trinity of Marxist cosplay — to fight “the myriad attacks being unleashed on our communities and the rule of law”.

Their big idea for saving the Republic? Letter writing and phone banking. You’d think they were parachuting into enemy territory the way they talk about “responding rapidly to injustice through opportunities for collective action, advocacy, and witness.” Which is just a long-winded way of saying they have no idea what they’re doing but it sounds noble on a bumper sticker.

They’re also determined to “advance voter registration work with high school and college students, bringing Third Actors into conversation with young people.” — because obviously what teenagers want is a lecture on civic virtue from boomers who still use AOL.

The group insists that as elders, they offer “a distinctive and powerful perspective” based on their long experience with an America that “sought to follow the norms of constitutional democracy and our justice system”. Mostly, it means they miss the days when no one could Google their nonsense in real time.

Their stated mission is to “reinforce with young people — who might recall a values-driven nation less well than we do — just how prized those values have been,” while somehow motivating “neighbors of all ages to join the effort to preserve them”.

At its core, Third Act CT is a glorified neighborhood association with delusions of grandeur. Their activities include “protests/rallies, legislative advocacy, canvassing, phone- & text-banking, postcarding, poll working, and letter-writing” — and the real mission? “Build community among elder activists through our work”. That’s code for: they’re bored and want attention.

Their motto might as well be: “Attending a protest rally or sending postcards for a candidate is great. Inviting others to join us in protest or hosting a postcard party is doubly great”. Because if the Founders had hosted more postcard parties, surely we wouldn’t be in this mess.

And if you thought their July postcard blitz was peak activism, get ready — the next “big National Day of Action” is called Good Trouble Lives On, and it’s happening July 17. Third Actors are told to join rallies “to respond to the attacks posed on our civil and human rights by the Trump administration and to remind them that the power lies with the people.” Nothing says “power to the people” like a semi-retired psychotherapist with a folding chair and sunscreen shouting about authoritarianism from a gazebo.

The email encourages members to “join whichever action is most convenient for you,” and if you’re “vacationing outside CT,” not to worry — you can just check the map and protest on-the-go.

The next meeting of the “DD Team” is July 23 at 6:30 p.m. Don’t be late — lights out is at 8.

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